The mindset of a stress expert. How do you find the calmness in the storm?

In order for him to be able to help others cope with their emotional challenges, he had to win his own internal fights.

Today, Simonas Niedvaras carries not only the title of idialogue mentor, but also the role of a stress instructor, and Simonas's new book "The mindset of a stress expert" encouraged us to delve deeper into the topic of stress understanding and stress processing.

In this article, Simonas shares his personal encounters with stress and practical insights on how to allow yourself to feel and act when feeling. In other words, how do you find the calmness in the storm?

The anxiety accompanies him to this day 

"For as long as I can remember, I have been constantly fighting. I was fighting not so much with the outside, but with something inside me. That something was very painful and caused a lot of tension. Anxiety was and still is my constant companion. 

However, now, along with anxiety, I have developed a tolerance for stress, and this causes significantly less emotional suffering and... stress", - says the stress instructor.

This is body's response to mental pressure

Mentalhealth.org.uk defines stress simply: it is the body's response to mental pressure. 

Simonas adds that "emotional stress is the mental inability to 'process' external or internal stimuli". An example would be too many tasks at once. Then there is emotional tension, perhaps due to the fear of not performing, perhaps due to anger that so much has been assigned.

This factor is called stress due to excessive cognitive (work) load.

Don't fight the fear and let it be

According to Simonas, calming down in stressful situations is not typical calming down. It's the mindset that provides reassurance in this case. 

"A person who learns to process stress does not resist and does not fight where he cannot make a change. He puts his focus where he can make an impact and make a difference, and that calms him down. 

An example would be my trip to the Azores, where we abseiled from waterfalls that were 100 meters high, despite the fact that I am still paralyzed by a fear of heights. 

However, going down the falls I chose not to fight my fear and just let it be. I turned my attention to getting the rope through the release device (where I could actually make an influence). And even though there was a lot of concentration/tension, the focus gave me a sense of control and calmness. 

So for me, calming down in a storm is focusing", - shares the author of the book.

People tend to avoid confrontation with stress

Simonas observes that people tend to avoid the stressor itself. If that fails, they resort to other tactics that distract them from the stress. 

"Since I climb mountains, mountains could be a very good illustration. For example, novices who climb with me start snacking as soon as they feel the resistance/heaviness of the mountains. It helps them to calm down. Or people start thinking how they will finish the hike and will be able to do something nice. This is called transfer. 

Others make excuses for why they can't climb a mountain, which helps ease conscience/self-esteem. They begin to blame the mountains, because they are full of stones, uncomfortable, windy, sunny, etc. This is called projection", - S. Niedvaras shares the most common reactions to stress.

Suppressing emotions comes with consequences

The stress trainer identifies two main consequences of suppressing emotions. 

"By avoiding the stress caused by emotions, a person limits his life, robs himself of possible meaningful experiences. An example would be deciding not to socialize with other people because it once caused stress”, - expert explains. 

Another consequence is psychosomatic diseases such as insomnia, stomach problems, migraines, sexual dysfunction, high blood pressure and many other incomprehensible asymptomatic disorders. According to Simonas, these diseases occur when the body and mind are not in harmony with each other.

Process stress in the least damaging way

However, expert admits that accepting your emotions is not an easy task, as "Blind confrontation with very complex emotions can traumatize the psyche. And if it's also repeated trauma, various anxiety disorders can develop: generalized anxiety, complex post-traumatic syndrome, chronic depression and others". 

However, according to the mentor, by using various tactics and techniques, complex emotions can be accepted and processed in the least harmful way: it is your attitude, expectations and relationship with stress that provides the reassurance that you can live calmly with stress.

"Avoiding emotion is running, and running brings the emotion of fear, which is exhausting in itself. Furthermore, confrontation with stress usually expresses itself as anger, which also requires a lot of mental resources. So, if we manage not to waste energy by running or resisting/fighting stress, the body and psyche are able to calm down a little on their own", - confirms S. Niedvaras.

The process of coping will probably never be complete

"I will admit that when I started practicing opening up to my emotions, I experienced shame, sweating, several anxiety attacks, not fitting into the society, long-lasting discomfort, confusion and uncertainty. 

Observing and classifying my emotions on a daily basis helped me through this period. It was a daily retrospective of my psychological state, monitoring and analyzing my thoughts, consultations with psychotherapists, and of course, reading a lot of literature. 

And yet, the coping process will probably never be final, after all, the psyche is a constantly changing phenomenon", - shares S. Niedvaras.

When you manage to lift a lot of psychological load

"A lot of people ask me how my life has changed since I started accepting my emotions instead of avoiding them and expect the answer to be that I'm always calm, you know, Zen. But I am still a man, not a messiah. 

However, I would say that a few fundamental things have changed. I haven't had a problem of insomnia for well over a decade now, even though I'm a 9 out of 10 under stress most of the times. And although the day is my arena of challenges, the night is a well-deserved rest. 

I will admit, anxiety is and was my constant companion, but its intensity has decreased by 95%. I don't dwell on many of the things that used to throw me off balance before. 

I also no longer have digestive problems. I can handle a lot of psychological stress, which allows me to work through three jobs, four/five activities and not experience burnout", - Simonas shares the benefits of managing stress.